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About Digital Art / Hobbyist Alice33/Female/Poland Group :iconfeedbackhub: FeedbackHub
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Deviant for 11 Years
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My grandma never liked my art.

She said everything I do is too dark and everyone looks sad. She wanted me to draw a happy, colourful picture she could hang in the bedroom, next to two classic (even if somewhat cliche) landscape paintings she cherished greatly (as it was the only thing that survived the war from her childhood home).

I never did. She died last week.
Hi. As some of you may have noticed, I was gone for a while. And by "a while" I mean four years.

There's a reason for that. It may not be... well... reasonable for most of you, but I will put it out there none the less, as there are some good folks I met here that I left with no explanation whatsoever and I feel bad because of that.

The thing is, I'm bad at many things, one of them is being able to receive critique. And no, it's not like I think my stuff is ideal, heck, I don't even think it's decent. And when someone points out some of the flaws I have to agree. But I'm aware I won't be able to fix them, because I'm not skilled enough and I'm not able to devote enough time to improve, so I'm not making enough progress to be able to get substantially better within my lifespan. Which usually makes me put away drawing for a while, till I manage to sort stuff out in my head.

Anyway, I stopped drawing for a year because some guy on the forums decided to harp on every detail of every picture I ever posted here after I wrote (under his critique request) that I liked his stuff but he should work on his colouring. Which, in hindsight, was probably a bad thing to say. Then, when I finally came back to drawing, I was sure my art is not good enough to show to anyone (especially after a year without any practise), so I didn't post it anywhere, anymore.

For a while, everything was good. Drawing stuff just for myself and then locking it in a (digital) drawer helped me in using that unsatiable drive to create, to make stuff come into existence. Not wanting to show off, not wanting to impress. Just to create. It felt refreshing.

But not being able to post it anywhere made me realize how much being able to share my art actually meant to me. And I don't mean the praise (which is unwarranted anyway and I can't really benefit from it if I want to be honest with myself), I mean the very act of taking stuff in my head, transfering it to visual media and showing them to other people. It feels almost intimate, like you are sharing this unique link with other person, if just for a brief moment.

I was fighting it for a while now, knowing I would risk the same situation happening all over again. But I have this sorted out and I think I'm better prepared this time.

So, hello again. I hope you will enjoy sharing all the backlog of emotions I accumulated over the years.


Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
Wannabe artist (or writer, haven't decided yet), stuck with a structural engineer job.

Loves rain, fantasy books, pen and paper RPGs, board/card games, her computer, coffee and vibrant colours.



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sandyx19 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Have a nice birthday! I am a dummy! 
annewipf Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2017
Happy birthday! :hug:
MetalHarbinger084 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2017
Happy birthday
CMoretzfan19 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2017
happy birthday
Madink2000 Featured By Owner Edited Mar 5, 2017
Jestes wspaniala artystka, nie tam wonnabe one!Clap 
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